A Different Kind of Heaven
by TheKatInTheShade
Summary: You're my first and my last. There will never be anyone else. GrimmIchi.


_This is dedicated to my grandparents who made my mum the person she is, who then made me the person I am._

_This is marked as 'Mature' because there is a tiny bit of language but also I dont want little kids reading this and not understanding or appreciating it. You better do both or I won't be happy! ;)_

_**A different Kind of Heaven.**_

We'd argue.

We'd scream and bite and kick and throttle... and somehow we always ended up not killing each other.

It didn't get easier with time.

The more time that passed, the more I grew to love him.

That love lead me to question and criticise and control his every move.

He broke my collar bone in his anger.

It hurt.

It hurt because we had been together for nearly 15 years and we were still smashing each other to bits at the drop of a hat. Couldn't we ever be normal? Couldn't we ever not hurt each other?

My doubt grew.

It swallowed me up.

Then when he admitted to sleeping with someone else I felt...

No, never mind.

You won't be able to even imagine my devastation anyway.

I'd say by this point we had been together for a good 40 years.

I thought that we'd never be able to be happy together. No matter how hard we tried, it just never seemed to work.

It broke my fucking heart.

I thought we were doomed. I didn't think we'd make it.

Until one day he sat me down. He didn't speak at first, but I could tell what he was about to say going to change my life for the better... or the worse.

"Ichigo." He said. "I want-" He paused. "I've made up my mind."

I sit absolutely still, never looking away from his face. This is it.

The end.

"But, before I tell you, I want to ask you something."

The _end_.

"Is that ok?"

It's over.

"Yes."

I can't get my head around it.

"The answer won't affect my decision; I just... need to know, Ichigo."

At first I think I'm passing out because the world tilts on its axis, but it turns out my body is just nodding to Grimmjow's words.

"Have you ever slept with anyone besides me whilst we've been together?"

The answer breaks my heart.

I feel like a fool. I could have had anyone, if I really wanted them. My mind remembers Inoue and I feel a small pang of regret. I wasted my time with Grimmjow. I chained myself to him and I refused anyone that wasn't him and now... he's telling me it was for nothing? He's telling me it _means_ nothing. My efforts to hold things together were in vain.

Does he _hate_ me? Does he despise my existence?

I can't believe it.

I wish I could have let go and loved someone else; _anyone_ else. I wish I didn't love him _so fucking badly.._.

"No." I answer. "I've never been with anyone except you."

_You're my first and my last. There will never be anyone else._

He sighs and his head falls into his hands.

Suddenly he starts making an obscure choking noise. Then he shivers and hiccups and _sobs_?

All I can do is stare in wonder.

Grimmjow has never cried before.

I want to hug him because he looks so pathetic but my hands are too heavy to lift. He is about to swing the axe and end my life. I wish I could have kissed him one more time...

"I want to start over with you."

My chin hits the floor.

WHAT?

He sniffs and rubs his eyes before looking up to meet my flabbergasted stare.

"I want to start over. From the beginning. A fresh start."

I wish to god in heaven that I could muster the strength or words to describe how I felt in that moment.

Having a baby, climbing a mountain, recovering from cancer, eating a really juicy peach...

Things like that which you can't quite do justice when it comes to describing them; that's me in the moment Grimmjow asked for another chance.

It was indescribable.

'A New Life', we called it.

We had an opportunity to make this work.

So we took it.

We started at the beginning again, but this time it was different. I wasn't 15 years old and Grimmjow wasn't trying to kill me. There was also no war and no Aizen and no real threat other than putting food on the table.

We took it slow. Our friends thought we were absolutely mental, but this wasn't about them.

At first it was awkward and frustrating because we'd still argue and bring up shit from the past but this time the pair of us... we were _determined_ to get through it.

Thank god Grimmjow is as stubborn as an ass.

We tried going on dates and walks and spending time together in that way. I felt borderline normal for the first time in my life. I think I needed that.

... because it made me realise much I _hated_ normal.

I missed the crazed spark in Grimm's eye or the way he used to cackle when he deliberately pissed me off. Little things like that, but thousands - _millions_ of them; I missed them all desperately.

So I spoke to Grimmjow and we actually _discussed_ it; we even came to the same decision!

For the first time in years we drew our swords and fought each other.

I'd always been too afraid to fight him like this; scared that I'd hit him a little _too_ hard and maybe seriously damage him. But I came to realise because we _hadn't_ done this, the pent up anger was manifesting itself in fights in our relationship. When he pissed me off I wasn't afraid to smack him in the mouth or give him a good kick... but I _was_ afraid that if I fought him with my sword in Shinigami form, I might kill him.

And that's where I was wrong.

Grimmjow can handle himself.

I forgot that.

I forgot he was the Sexta Espada and Grimmjow fucking Jeagerjaques.

I went to my mother's grave and swore I would never forget again.

Time passed. We would still argue and fight but it felt healthy and I even became comfortable enough to tease him. The first time he cottoned onto what I was saying and realised I was being sarcastic in an attempt to wind him up, his face split into a shit eating grin and we wrestled like school kids on the floor of the kitchen.

But we were beginning to grow old; Grimmjow in his Gigai and me in my body. We couldn't solve our problems with our fists like we used to and when I suffered a minor stoke, I couldn't shout myself hoarse either. I thought, at first, that he might take advantage of my quietness but it just encouraged him to be extra vigilant and pay more attention.

I can't really pin point the moment I realised I had never been happier; probably because it took so long and by the time we were just beginning to enjoy things, old age had made some deep roots.

But the last 3 or 4 years of my life I knew me and Grimm were absolutely fine.

In fact, we were pretty amazing.

What was even better was that Grimmjow knew it too. We were reading from the same page and I felt like I finally knew the person who I had loved for almost an entire lifetime.

I had reached it.

Nirvanah.

This was my heaven.

Then I had a heart attack and died.

Grimmjow stepped out of his body as easily as stepping out of an old pair of shoes and took my hand. We touched our skin and it was smooth and firm. Grimmjow said I was beautiful; and that I had _always_ been beautiful.

Rukia found us. She greeted us like old friends and guided us here, to soul society – our home.

We've been here together ever since.


End file.
